Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Ok team, I’ve been dealing with some feelings.  I hadn’t planned to be writing about them, but I can’t seem to write about anything else right now.

So here it is:  9 years ago today I got married.  Yup! August 9, 2008… I fell in love and married a great, weird, handsome guy.  And today we would have been celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary.

But we’re not. We’re not because we’re divorced. After 8 years together, 4 of those years being married to each other, as we grew up and changed as people, we were no longer serving as positive sources of energy for the other.

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Moi – 2008 as a young bride

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In our early 20s among our different friend groups, we were the first couple to get engaged. The first couple in buy a house. The first to host dinner parties, themed parties, and BBQs. The first to throw a wedding. And the first to get divorced.

It’s been 5 years since we divided up our assets and dissolved our marriage.  And in that time, everyone among the friend circle I kept around me have now ALL paired off, moving far far away into their first homes and becoming pregnant with their first (or second) child. While were all in our thirties, I feel like this weird alien among friends who I no longer recognize.

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Canada Long Weekend was spent on my balcony watching fireworks and drinking with this couple-friend of ours who got married exactly one month before we did. They’re still together, happily supportive of each other and are proud parents to a gorgeous little boy. Funnily enough, this couple started as a work friend of my ex’s. But it turns out they’ve only kept in touch with me regularly all this time. ❤

As happenstance would have it, one of them bumped into my ex on the streets of Toronto a few days before our hang out…so you know they spilt all the tea with me!

Last summer, I heard through the grapevine that he’d gotten himself remarried. The big news uncovered for Canada150 was that he and his new wife are expecting their SECOND CHILD!!! 😮

Ran into my ex on the street. He’s got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat.

This news was a shock. But I wasn’t sad or mad at finding out. I felt genuinely at peace knowing he’s been able to find someone to give him what he wanted in this life. The same feeling I have when I’m sitting as an attendee to a friend’s wedding or baby shower. I’m happy for them. Sincerely.

But then … later like this morning, waking up remembering its not-my-wedding-anniversary … there’s pangs of something that comes over me.  Me… comparing their achievements with my own (or lack there of), taking away from what I’ve got going on in my life. 😦

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This long weekend was an oddly busy one for me. It was filled with friend groups on a wide spectrum:

Friday night with a unique Caribanna event specifically for the sex positive, open-minded Cis-Trans-Poly crowd of friends of friends for dancing, performances and late night eating. :/

Saturday I had brunch with 3 fellow “September Babies” who once were my go-to-hanging-out-and-shooting-the-shit-with peoples, but this year they’ve all found partners and hangouts of “just us” are few and far between. :/

Sunday I travelled all the way to Oakville to an annual backyard BBQ that has always been known for as boozy-palooza where things get weird….buuuuuut this year she’s preggers and the backyard was filled with more kids than adults. :/

I feel like this weird alien among friends who I no longer recognize.

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It’s hard coming up with gratitude for all the good in your life when chronic pain and leg spasms cloud everything – my life these days. 😦  But I know I’m blessed.

I’m blessed to be able to spend all my disposable income on myself, the pup and the kids I’m a ‘courtesy aunty’ to. I’m blessed to have such diverse groups of people in my life – people I likely wouldn’t have found had I remained a married woman.  I’m blessed to own a bit of real estate in the city. I’m blessed that I have been able to travel to cool destinations and write about them. I’m blessed to be able to foster and rescue dogs. I’m blessed to have a job where my employer supports short-term leave with pay.  I’m blessed to have everything I need and more at my doorstep: groceries, restaurants, green spaces, beaches, transit, dance friends, live music and bars.

In these 5 years of not being married, it’s given me the room to have a variety of different experiences, to become comfortable with who I am as a person, and has helped me figure out what I want AND don’t want in a life partner. At the same time, I’ve come to the uncomfortable realization that I may not find myself a life partner, and that’s ok too. I’m still working on being ok with this last part. 🙂

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Any one else able to relate to what I’ve been trying to say in the word vomit above?  Gawd…I hope so. 🙂  Let me know what you think in the comment section…

Stay tuned every Monday and Wednesday for new content, plus throwback posts on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Hope I can count on you to join me then. ❤

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What’s the 411?

Heyyyyyyy… it’s me!  I know I’ve been hella quite with zero original content on my blog for a minute.

2017 began and I seemly fell off the face of the earth…according to this space. :/

Thanks for still remaining a PPMeow! follower, reader, fan, and friend….and for those kind emails sent asking about why such a long absence from writing for this blog. ❤ ❤ ❤

The first half of 2017 has been filled with adventure and struggle.  And I’ve been trying to figure out how much of myself I’m comfortable sharing so publicly, on what started out as a fun-fashion-focused forum.

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The first half of 2017 has been filled with adventures and struggles…

I don’t really deem myself a “fashion guru” or someone who’s opinions on clothes, shoes and the like, really matters. I like what I like. And write about it. That’s all. 🙂 Because of this, it just left me feeling a bit like a fraud running a fashion and lifestyle blog with the recent events of my life taking up so much brain space.

Since my last post … here’s a listing of all the the major things that have happened in the life & times of moi:

  • Got restructured out of a great team and job after 7-years of being with the company. Yup. Just like that.
  • Became a beach-bum in L.A., California.
  • Started a new job with a new company, and re-adjusting to cubical life.
  • Dealing with undiagnosable chronic pains in the tops of both my feet and legs.
  • Transformed into a nun for an evening with a self-sewn outfit.
  • Battled (can continue to struggle with) something called “walking depression”.
  • Cleaned out my closet (finally!) and donated a bunch of things to charity.
  • Got a new iPhone 7s with a fabulous camera.
  • Started a series called “Shameless Bathroom Selfies” on my Instagram channel 😉
  • Travelled and explored a whole bunch of places in New Mexico.
  • Flirted with, dated and sexxx’d some boys. 😉
  • Made major gains with Operation: Apartment Refresh.
  • Got MRI results that showed a large disc herniation of my spine, and finally given proper meds to manage the pain.
  • Sold MANY of my beloved heels in exchange for wine was the wise thing to do.
  • Took a short-term leave of absence from work (doctor’s orders) to really focus on healing and dealing with my spine issues.
  • Embraced the importance of wellness, rest and self-care…which in my case means regular spending on Physiotherapy & RMT.
  • Made NEW friends and visited them in Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario.
  • Discovered a new product and the possibility of becoming an entrepreneur.
  • Did various yoga classes for 30-days in June.
  • Saw NKOTB – BoyzIIMen – Paula Abdul in concert!!!
  • Attended the Garden Gatsby Party and got caught on camera, in daytime 20s garb, lindyhopping poorly.
  • Got summoned for jury duty for the first time ever.
  • Became a fur-mom again to a senior dog named Max…and ever since I’ve been filling up my social media channels with pictures and videos of him. #sorrynotsorry
  • Had a neuro consult with some uncomfortable real talk.

Phew!!! 😮 That’s a lot of news in one recap blogpost.

So, in addition to the fashion forward fun, what I did and what I wore, shopping hauls, kitchen mis/adventures, product reviews, etc, that you’ve all come to know and love of Petite Plus, Meow! … I’m thinking of trying something new with this blog space and write about some of the above personal experiences … IF there is any interest/appetite out there of hearing it.

I would love to know what YOU want me to tackle first from this list???  Tell me in the comment section below or send me a personal message 🙂

Then stay tuned every Monday and Wednesday for new content, plus throwback posts on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Hope I can count on you to join me then. ❤

Have you LIKE’d the Petite Plus, Meow’s Facebook Page yet?

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Speed Dating with 25Dates.com

So, if you’re a 30-something who’s looking to meet a good guy to date before (hopefully) finding one to call your ‘boyfriend’ …. how does one find HIM?  Dating is tough.  Dating after divorce, tougher.  Dating as a petite plus sized beauty, even tougher.  (Click here to link to a clip from Louie to see what I’m talking about).    I’m not one to write about dating advice nor do I want to start recapping all my adventures in dating via this forum…but I recently found a GroupOn for a speed dating event with 25Dates.com … and since Petite Plus, Meow! is both a fashion AND lifestyle blog, I wanted to share my experience and thoughts in this review with ya …. along with my outfit choice.

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How It Works:

In one night, you will sit down, one on one for up to 25 three-minute dates.  You will decide who you like, and who you would like to see again. It could be 5 people, it could be all 25!  Now we all know there’s nothing without mutual chemistry, so the 25 people you talk to will also be deciding if they want to see you again.  If there is a mutual match, your contact info is forwarded to them, and theirs to you. You are then free to explore your connection.  Typically, the cost for a ‘regular event’ like the one I attended is $50.

The GroupOn voucher allowed me to attend this event for $25…plus HST once you secure your spot for an upcoming event via 25Dates.com’s site for a date and location and age group that best suited your preference.

Sounded like a good deal.  But then I thought, “Do I really want to be meeting men who used a GroupOn to participate in this dating avenue?”

I’ve found with dating in general, it’s best to keep hopes high, but expectations looooow! 😉  I’m thinking these men clearly made some effort in searching out and investing in this event and possibly share a similar view on value vs. money  – which is an important characteristic to have in common I think – so why the heck not!

What I Wore:

I picked up this dress from my recent cross border shopping trip from Rainbow Clothing at a fantastic $15!!  I decided that it was smart-casual enough with just the right about of cleavage to be “date appropriate”.  After all, the mission was to get handsome, eligible bachelors to mark ‘yes’ beside my name in their scorecards after a mere 3-mins of chit-chat and banter.  A girl’s gotta use all her assets, so to speak, to hook a guy’s interest at warp-hyper-speed 😉

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The Event:

The event I signed up for fell on a Thursday night hosted by Vagabondo Italian Resto + Lounge, a really nice upscale spot just east of the Financial District, specific to Women 30-40 and Men 35-45.

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Upon arrival I found the facilitators of 25Dates.com to be a bit disinterested.  In fact, there were no official welcomes or icebreakers or formal introductions by the 25Dates.com reps at all.  As participants trickled into the venue they were given a scorecard, name tag and a quick rundown  as to how the evening was going to unfold: Women to sit on one side of table, Men would do the actual rotating around from table to table.  And that was it.  If you arrived at the designated time, you were then left on your own until the event official began.  I made my way to the bar and ordered a drink – as you’re left to fend for yourself – the fee for this event supposedly covered hors d’oeuvres, but I personally didn’t see any.  Those who did said they were sad state of affairs and not nearly enough for everyone in attendance to have a taste.

Considering how much time was allotted to the ‘registration’ portion of the evening, I think 25Dates.com should have included a free drink (or two) instead of hors d’oeuvres with the price of the ticket.  This way EVERYONE gets one and a little liquid courage is always helpful, possibly needed and appreciated in a meet-market-event like this one.  Also, another benefit to this ‘first drink free’ approach … the facilitators could/should be encouraging everyone to mingle in the bar, rather than having people sit alone at tables until the event was ready to begin.  I mean, isn’t that the whole point of this event?  An opportunity to meet new people.  It’s uber difficult to get motivated enough to come out and try an event like this in the first place, so it’s critical that the facilitators create a more welcoming environment, create rapport building opportunities perhaps by way of some general ice breaker activities to get people comfortable and chatting, prior to the exclusive 3-min one on one dates.  Just my two cents.

As the name of the event and company implies, I was expecting to meet at least 25 guys.  But there were maybe 16 men at most.  With this reduced attendance turnout, you’d think the facilitators could/would modify the event and increase the 1:1 time for each meeting, but this wasn’t the case. Again, another improvement that could have been made that would ultimately benefit all attendees.  Also, it seemed that the facilitators didn’t really factor in the time it takes for these men to get up and rotate from table to next table…which ate into the precious 3-min timeline of the next mini-date.  Not cool.

When the event ended, everyone hands in their scorecards to the facilitators….if you have matches (that is, you picked them AND they picked you), 25Dates.com will send you an email with your matches’ email address – and then its up to the two of you to take it from there!  What I found interesting about the attendees of this event is how quickly people cleared out of the venue once the event concluded.  I mean, if you did  select ‘YES’ to someone, isn’t this now the perfect opportunity to chat them up a bit more, have a drink with them, grab a bite to eat, etc.?!    Since I had plans to meet up with a gf afterwards, I made my way back to the bar and chatted up the last two participants (a guy and girl, friends who work together) and we debriefed our experiences of the night together.  Much of my above thoughts and overall mediocre impressions of the event resonated with them also.

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The Results:

I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised at the calibre of men at this event.  Most of whom worked for financial institutions, like myself, were dressed well and seemed generally positive.  This is a nice change from what I’ve been finding on free internet dating sites.  It does seem that if men have some ‘skin in the game’, i.e. made an effort and shelled out some cash to be a part of a dating/introduction event like this, they seemingly put in more of an effort.  Click here and here for my previous thoughts on the Art of Manliness.)

Needless to say that after my 16-mini dates, there wasn’t an instant love connection with any of them.  11 of them seemed very interested in reviewing my CV in full, asking job-realted-interview type questions.  Sigh… guess its sort of default topic, but seriously, asking me ANYTHING else would have made for a more enjoyable mini-date.  Of all the dudes I met….5 gents really held my attention.  Those who made it to the YES category of my scorecard were those who DIDN’T ask me about work right off the bat, those who not only dressed well but uniquely with a bit of swagger in their own personal style, and last but certainly not least, were Tall and Handsome 🙂

Turns out 4 of the 5 men I selected YES to, picked me as well!  Since I couldn’t remember what any of these dudes looked like, I used their email addy’s to find and friend them on Facebook.  And so far have already begun chatting and making plans with two in particular ……weeeeeee!  So there you have it – speed dating, way better experience than online dating.  Buying the voucher via GroupOn pricing for this event was of fair value, but had I paid the full price for this event with 25Dates.com I would have been very disappointed.

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How I Got The Look:

Coral & navy patterned faux wrap dress from Rainbow Clothing; Brown sandals from Payless; Purse from Guess; Gold bracelet Michael Kors watch + gold drop earrings AND new fantastic lipstick: Rouge Artist Intense by Make Up Forever

20140613-163031-59431061.jpgHave you ever gone Speed Dating?  What were your thoughts and experience like? Would you go again? Why/Why not?  Tell me in the Comments section friends.

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The honest truth about dating in your 30s…as a fat girl

I’m not one to write about dating advice nor do I want to start recapping all my adventures in dating via this forum.   But when I  stumbled upon this article & vid clip (from ThoughtCatalog.com) earlier this week, I shared it on my Petite Plus, Meow’s Facebook Page  — it got a ton of views!

So I thought I would share it as a post on this space as well.  Dating is tough.  Dating after divorce is tougher.  Dating in your 30s as a fat girl may be the worst.

Watch and/or read this clip…captured IT completely:  The honest truth about dating in your 30s as a fat girl.

 

In case you have one of those gross job things and can’t watch the video right now, here are some of the best “you go, fat girl” lines:

“You know what the meanest thing is you can say to a fat girl? ‘You’re not fat.’”

“It really, really sucks (being fat). You have no idea. And the worst part is…I’m not supposed tell anyone how much it sucks because it’s too much for people.”

“(Men) can…say you can’t get a date, you’re overweight, and it’s adorable, but if I say it, they call the suicide hotline. I mean, can I just say it? I’m fat. It sucks to be a fat girl. Can people just let me say it?”

“On behalf of all the fat girls, I’m making you representative of all the guys: Why do you hate us so much? What is it about the basics of human happiness, you know, feeling attractive, feeling loved, having guys chase after us, that’s just not in the cards for us? Nope, not for us. How is that fair? And why am I supposed to just…accept it?”

Louie: Stumbling over words “Look, you’re a really…very beautiful…”
Sarah: “Come on. If I was a ‘really, very beautiful…’, you would’ve said yes when I asked you out. I mean, come on, Louie, be honest here.”

“I flirt with guys all the time. And I mean, the great looking ones? They flirt right back, no problem. Because they know their status will never be questioned. But guys like you never flirt with me because you get scared that maybe you should be with a girl like me. And why not?!”

Sarah: “Have you ever dated a girl that was heavier than you?”
Louie: “Yes, yes I have.”
Sarah: “No, no, no. I didn’t say, ‘Have you ever fucked a fat girl?’ I’m sure you have, every guy has. I mean, when I met you, if I had said, ‘Hey, you wanna go to the back room and screw on a can of peaches?’, you would’ve gone for it. No. I’m saying have you ever dated a fat girl? Have you ever kissed a fat girl? Have you ever wooed a fat girl? Have you ever held hands with a fat girl? Have you ever walked down the street, in the light of day, holding hands with a big girl like me? Go ahead, hold my hand. What do you think is going to happen? Do you think your dick is going to fall off if you hold hands with a fat girl?”

“I can get laid. Any woman who is willing can get laid. I don’t want that. I don’t even need a boyfriend or husband. All I want is to hold hands with a nice guy and walk and talk.”

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Pretty real right?  If you haven’t seen the show Louie he writes from an autobiographical character who isn’t afraid to be real about his shittiness as a man, a parent, a human overall.  He cuts to the core of what’s wrong with the world, but also presents us with scenarios where awareness of the world is mixed with awareness of self mixed with intelligent humour …Only in a show like that would you have a scene like this.

So what are your thoughts on this?

Are larger ladies simply S-O-L when it comes to dating?  And fellas, DO YOU think your dick is going to fall off if you hold hands with a fat girl?

Share using the comments section below.

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Cherry Bomb

I bought this Cherry Bomb dress last year as my Happy-Birthday splurge.  It is a sexy ultra form-fitting pin-up/vintage/ultimate bombshell dress…and oh so comfortable. This dress has a wrap twist in the bust area, enhancing ‘the girls’ and cap sleeves that look great on all arms.  It even has helpful gathers in the front skirt to help hide any possible flaws in your waistline.    The dress is a classy below knee-length, and has a nice slit in the back for ease in cat-walking.  Being petite, I did have to get a few alterations to both the length (shorten) and have the arm holes taken in a bit more so that it neckline would stay-put.

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Being a September baby, it was warm enough to simply be worn all on its own from dinner to dancing into the wee hours of the morning.    I really wanted to wear this fab dress for this past weekend’s #DUSTED event I was invited to, but I would need to transform this Cherry Bomb dress into a more winter-friendly one.  So here’s what I did:

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Gave up the flower in my hair and the peep-toed pumps.  Put on black hose and short rocker-chick booties, along with a black leather and suede open jacket that helps keep that rocker-chick look alive – plus helps keep me warm under the winter coat when waiting for the notoriously late Queen streetcar to get around Toronto on a Saturday Night.

Let’s talk about the event, the venue and Saturday night.  Seeing as I only knew the DJ who would be busy working at this event, I invited a gf I recently reconnected with to be my +1 …someone to drink and dance with, flirt with boys with, someone to  act as my paparazzi for blog-worthy photos. 🙂  Unfortunately, mere hours before waking up from my required ‘nap-before-I-have-a-night-out’ nap, I get a text and phone call from said gf, weeping about her on-again-off-again relationship that ended a few hours ago.   Listening to her emphatically, I encouraged her to do whatever she needed to, and not worry about coming out with me…unless of course getting cute and dancing her cares away would help.  She opted not to come. And I waffled – do I go to this event…ALONE…knowing nobody…completely friendless?

Why the heck not!?  After all, I made a commitment to go, I’m dressed oh-so cute, and I’m chatty enough to manage a few hours of small-talk with strangers I’ll never see again, right?  I was going!

The event was at Atelier Resto-Lounge (366 Queen Street East at Parliament St) – a beautifully converted space with exposed brick walls, that acts as a new casual restaurant for the neighbourhood sandwiched between small independent restaurants and shops on the north side of the street.  I didn’t come early enough to taste their dinner offerings from their menu unfortunately, but the bar staff were lovely and I got to meet the owner, a young entrepreneur who seemed very pleased at the turn out for the launch party of this trendy new spot.dusted3

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The venue is long rather than wide, with the DJ stage at the very back with a large screen that displayed various vids on mute and the occasional shout-out for the event name.  I got there a little after midnight and from what I saw, it was a mature clientele (30+) who for the most part were dressed to impress.  As I stood along the side-lines of the bar sipping my drink to people-watch I couldn’t help but observe how many more men there were to women in this place.  And of this ratio, the women were all dressed fantastically, whereas I couldn’t say that about all the men there.  In fact, it got me thinking about how much more of an effort chicks seem to put into everything that seemingly goes unappreciated yielding limited results, when compared with a guy who gets ready for a night out to meet or take out their lady.

I met a few nice women actually – they complimented me on my outfit and we got to chatting.  Even danced around with a few, complete with fancy dips and spins on the floor.  There was a professional photographer afoot, don’t know where/how I can get my hands on those pics  just yet, so unfortunately my iPhone pics will have to do for now folks.

As the evening went on and the dance floor crowd diminished, I noticed a gaggle of guys who were dressed in jeans and hoodies – seriously – who, one by one, made their way to the group of ottomans where I was sitting waiting for my DJ friend.  Listening to these 24-year-old boys tell me they’re 26, impress me with questionable humor and unnecessary close-talking, I have never been more acutely aware of how much I’ve grown and changed as a person who was able to politely tolerate my current situation.  Don’t get me wrong, it is always flattering to be approached, but looking at the effort I put into my outfit vs. the results it yielded (young boys in hoodies) it’s a sad truth indeed friends.  Luckily I was rescued by the DJ shortly after… {Insert “Last night a DJ saved my lifetune here :)}.  Overall, the night was a success – I was glad I pushed past my fear of going to something like this alone, but in the end anything involving a dance floor is always better with a friend or two.

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How I got The Look:

Cherry Bomb Dress by Stop Staring, from SexyPlus Clothing (Rosedale/Yonge Sts)

Rocker-chick buckle+zipper booties from Aldo/Black peep-toe platform pumps from Diesel, Winners

Black leather & suede open jacket by Jessica, Sears (Eaton Center)

Accessories: Earrings from BitterSweet; Odette Cuff from Stella¨ White hair-flower from Forever21

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